This post was published as Scene 7 of Opposite Jurassic Park
INT: SOME BUNKER, This is a very dimly lit bunker, something like you see in movies with war rooms and stuff, there is a flashing red light in the background. Aside from the light and a telephone sitting on a desk in the center of the room, everything is gray or olive green. SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP is standing in the room, he looks moist, the audience can’t be sure weather this is sweat or just like grease or something. CHOMPCHOMP’s comb over sail is split a bit so he looks disarrayed. SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP (brushing his dinosaur hand thru his sail) This is very much not good, we need to stop this revolt immediately, and I know just who to call to handle this. SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP grins, the camera only shows the edge of his mouth as the edge slowly extends to form this grin. We cut to his hand as he reaches for the bright red phone on the desk. The camera tracks the phone as CHOMPYCHOMP brings it up to his ear(?). UNKNOWN VOICE (moaning) DADDYYYYYY~~!! CUT TO EXT: OUTSIDE HUMAN ENCLOSURES. Hordes of children and maybe like four adults are running out the gates of a particular enclosure. Some trample others. The camera focuses on an Apple iPhone being crushed beneath their feet, beginning along the ground, the camera slowly arcs over to focus on the screen that is getting more and more cracked. We see that it is open to Twitter, with a draft tweet reading “gosh, I hate capitalism so much!” The iPhone is picked up by one of the Guard Dinos after the children had dispersed. We see him reach for his radio. INT: BUNKER. A Guard Dino barges in. GUARD DINO (panicked) Sir, you have to see this. He runs over to SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP holding a heavy, glossy piece of paper up. We see that it is a photo of the iPhone screen. SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP My god, it seems some of them are,,, woke. Cut to a group of guards and generals(?) behind him, all with shocked expressions on their faces after hearing this terrible news. OTHER GUARD Wait, are they verified, tho? GUARD DINO What? OTHER GUARD The kids, you said they were on Twitter, but are any of them verified? SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP Why would that even matter? Who cares, all the matters is that they’re starting a got dang revolution down there and they need to be stopped. OTHER GUARD WELL IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME! I HAVE 30.7K FOLLOWERS AND I’M NOT EVEN VERIFIED! Do you have any idea how long I’ve been on this fucking app? EIGHT YEARS, I’ve been on it longer than those children have even been alive. So, please, tell me: are any of those frickin’ kids verified? GUARD DINO Uhh,,, ok. I’mma level with you here. I don’t give a damn if any of them are verified. The important part is that they’re all organizing, likely using this app, being woke all over the place, we can’t control them. OTHER GUARD Ok, remain ignorant, behind the times, not understanding that being verified on Twitter is like being knighted but if people actually cared and it wasn’t just in a singular xenophobic country. GUARD DINO Anyway, what do we do now, Senator? SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP I already called in the Dinosaur USA Army Troops, from the Dinosaur USA. They’re on their way already, so there’s no way of reaching them. Only Dinosaur god, which is like an anthropomorphized god but in the image of us Dinosaurs, can help them now. GUARD DINO Actually, in that case, I do have an idea. INT: ARMORY. This is another very dark room, the kind that makes your mother yell at you to close the blinds because there’s too much glare to see anything, but it’s probably just a blank black screen for the most part. CHRISTIANNIA (muffled) Can you fucking believe this!? EXT: OUTSIDE THE ARMORY. CHRISTIANNA is looking at her phone angrily, while ELIJAH WOOD stands there doing nothing but wearing a Christmas sweater. CHRISTIANNIA They removed all the Tweets from the Opposite Jurassic Park NPS Twitter account. They’re gagging them. Fer fricks sake, the scientists were helping us take down the suddenly fascist government that want to kill off our entire race species! What do we do now? ELIJAH WOOD Don’t worry, I’ve been preparing for this since 1999. Doomsday. The day all out technology dies,,, no, turns against us. We need beans, lots and lots of canned beans, raise our own chickens in our basement, and most of all: a militia’s worth of weaponry. As concerned as I am about the beans, and trust me I’m always thinking about them beans, it seems most convenient to acquire the weapons given that we are already at the armory. CHRISTIANNIA Right, you keep thinking about those beans, which are really important, so important that they will probably occur several more times throughout this story marking pivotal moments in our struggle to overcome the oppressing dinosaur regime. Meanwhile, I’ll get us some weapons. CHRISTIANNIA runs up to the door, and tries to open it by pulling it. Further inspection reveals that the handle is labeled “Push,” but this doesn’t work either as the door is, in fact, locked. CHRISTIANNIA (frustrated) How are we supposed to properly revolt now? We can’t get into the weapons storage thing. ELIJAH WOOD I have an idea,,, FLASHBACK: We see riots in the streets of some populated human city during Y2K. This could potentially be very expensive to shoot, so just use footage from recent events and add a subtitle saying “Actual footage from Y2K.” INT: ARMORY. The camera is centered on the door. At about a 5 second interval, there is a loud banging on the door, this goes on for about ten to forty minutes. Finally, the door bursts into the room, with a pile of groaning children pouring in behind it. CHRISTIANNIA and ELIJAH WOOD step over the children the way somebody would step over spilled sauce on the floor. CHRISTIANNIA Wait, if this is the armory for a park where they just have humans to control, wouldn’t they only have, like, tranquilizers and weapons for humans? The lights turn on, revealing crates laying around overflowing with ammunition, and racks upon racks of AK-47s and RPGs. This is basically like a Taliban hideout. ELIJAH WOOD Holy shit, it’s just like back when the Millennium Bug sent the Middle East to invade New Amsterdam. The camera pans to one of the kids, sitting next to one of the crates. He takes apart one of the AKs, cleans every part, puts it back together, and begins loading up clips. CHRISTIANNIA walks over and takes the gun from his hands. CHRISTIANNIA That’ll do kid. That’ll do. The kid looks up to her, with a look of absolute disdain. He begins visibly shaking, the camera beginning to zoom in closer to his face. The screen fades slowly to scenes of riots, flying black flags, fires burning whole buildings. A distressed noise fills the background. With a snapping noise, cut to next scene. EXT: ABSOLUTE CHAOS. The children are taking down the dinosaurs with sheer numbers, like that part in the Lord of the Rings, prompting the adults to wonder why they even bothered having all these weapons. The camera hovers above the crowds for a little while, letting the audience take in the magnitude of the situation. Cut to some raptor guards emerging from an office. This should have dramatic music in the background. Preferably this would be directed like the newer Godzilla movie, showing very little of the raptors at a time, just glimpses to keep the audience invested. Jump to a group of children running by the raptors vision. One of the kids stops and turns to look at the raptor. She pulls out a machete. Cut to a pile of random bits of raptor laying on the ground in massive pools of blood, a couple of children still chopping at the bits with machetes. ELIJAH WOOD Oh. CHRISTIANNA Umm,,, maybe, just maybe, we should try to, like, take some of them alive? KIDS (IN UNISON) (sighing) Aye, ma’am. CHRISTIANNA pulls out some rope, as do some of the children, intending to tie down some of the staff. ELIJAH WOOD (mumbling) Fuck me, mommy. INT. WAREHOUSE. Most of the staff is all tied up, lining the walls and creating lines within the empty space in the middle, showing that the sheer amount of disposable children easily overpowered a large quantity of powerful dinosaurs. Several dinos lay dead towards the corner, with a single bullet wound in the forehead and their hands tied behind their backs, implying these were executions. One of the dinosaurs is duct taped to a table in a curtained off area in part of the warehouse. He has a rag over his face, and there are two children standing over him each holding a bucket of water. KID #1 Who do you work for? KID #1 begins dumping the water over the dinosaur’s face. There is really loud gurgling as this is a dinosaur. KID #2 Not gonna talk, eh? There is a brief moment where the dinosaur is able to breath, with a bit of struggle he mutters: WATERBOARDED DINOSAUR What the fuck, you not even lett-- He is cut off my KID #2 dumping more water in his face. There is a visible excitement on the two children’s faces. KID #1 TELL US WHO IS PULLING THE STRINGS! KID #2 Or do you want more water? WATERBOARDED DINOSAUR Ok, ok, I’ll tell yo-- The dinosaur is once again cut off by having more water dumped onto his face. Cut to a shot outside of the curtains, there is more gurgling and yelling audible. The camera slowly zooms out, eventually settling with a single dinosaur sitting next to a wall filling the right third of the screen. SHAKING HEAD DINOSAUR (shaking her head) Just like Jeffrey used to do. A tear rolls down her cheek as she remember her ex that was brutally slaughtered by a conglomerate of rabid children. ELIJAH WOOD is sitting on a foldable chair with a piece of paper taped to his christmas sweater reading “Hostage Guard.” There is a pile of cans next to him, he is eating a can of beans with a fork. When the can is empty, he tosses it aside and looks around. ELIJAH WOOD (mouth full of beans) Fuck, we need more beans.