This post was published as Scene 7 of Opposite Jurassic Park
INT: SOME BUNKER, This is a very dimly lit bunker, something like you see in
movies with war rooms and stuff, there is a flashing red light in the
background. Aside from the light and a telephone sitting on a desk in the center
of the room, everything is gray or olive green. SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP is standing in
the room, he looks moist, the audience can’t be sure weather this is sweat or
just like grease or something. CHOMPCHOMP’s comb over sail is split a bit so he
looks disarrayed.
SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP
(brushing his dinosaur hand thru his sail)
This is very much not good, we need to stop this revolt
immediately, and I know just who to call to handle this.
SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP grins, the camera only shows the edge of his mouth as the edge
slowly extends to form this grin. We cut to his hand as he reaches for the
bright red phone on the desk. The camera tracks the phone as CHOMPYCHOMP brings
it up to his ear(?).
UNKNOWN VOICE
(moaning)
DADDYYYYYY~~!!
CUT TO
EXT: OUTSIDE HUMAN ENCLOSURES. Hordes of children and maybe like four adults are
running out the gates of a particular enclosure. Some trample others. The camera
focuses on an Apple iPhone being crushed beneath their feet, beginning along the
ground, the camera slowly arcs over to focus on the screen that is getting more
and more cracked. We see that it is open to Twitter, with a draft tweet reading
“gosh, I hate capitalism so much!”
The iPhone is picked up by one of the Guard Dinos after the children had
dispersed. We see him reach for his radio.
INT: BUNKER. A Guard Dino barges in.
GUARD DINO
(panicked)
Sir, you have to see this.
He runs over to SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP holding a heavy, glossy piece of paper up. We
see that it is a photo of the iPhone screen.
SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP
My god, it seems some of them are,,, woke.
Cut to a group of guards and generals(?) behind him, all with shocked
expressions on their faces after hearing this terrible news.
OTHER GUARD
Wait, are they verified, tho?
GUARD DINO
What?
OTHER GUARD
The kids, you said they were on Twitter, but are any of
them verified?
SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP
Why would that even matter? Who cares, all the matters
is that they’re starting a got dang revolution down
there and they need to be stopped.
OTHER GUARD
WELL IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME! I HAVE 30.7K FOLLOWERS AND
I’M NOT EVEN VERIFIED! Do you have any idea how long
I’ve been on this fucking app? EIGHT YEARS, I’ve been
on it longer than those children have even been alive.
So, please, tell me: are any of those frickin’ kids
verified?
GUARD DINO
Uhh,,, ok. I’mma level with you here. I don’t give a
damn if any of them are verified. The important part is
that they’re all organizing, likely using this app,
being woke all over the place, we can’t control them.
OTHER GUARD
Ok, remain ignorant, behind the times, not
understanding that being verified on Twitter is like
being knighted but if people actually cared and it
wasn’t just in a singular xenophobic country.
GUARD DINO
Anyway, what do we do now, Senator?
SEN. CHOMPYCHOMP
I already called in the Dinosaur USA Army Troops, from
the Dinosaur USA. They’re on their way already, so
there’s no way of reaching them. Only Dinosaur god,
which is like an anthropomorphized god but in the image
of us Dinosaurs, can help them now.
GUARD DINO
Actually, in that case, I do have an idea.
INT: ARMORY. This is another very dark room, the kind that makes your mother
yell at you to close the blinds because there’s too much glare to see anything,
but it’s probably just a blank black screen for the most part.
CHRISTIANNIA
(muffled)
Can you fucking believe this!?
EXT: OUTSIDE THE ARMORY. CHRISTIANNA is looking at her phone angrily, while
ELIJAH WOOD stands there doing nothing but wearing a Christmas sweater.
CHRISTIANNIA
They removed all the Tweets from the Opposite Jurassic
Park NPS Twitter account. They’re gagging them. Fer
fricks sake, the scientists were helping us take down
the suddenly fascist government that want to kill off
our entire race species! What do we do now?
ELIJAH WOOD
Don’t worry, I’ve been preparing for this since 1999.
Doomsday. The day all out technology dies,,, no, turns
against us. We need beans, lots and lots of canned
beans, raise our own chickens in our basement, and most
of all: a militia’s worth of weaponry. As concerned as
I am about the beans, and trust me I’m always thinking
about them beans, it seems most convenient to acquire
the weapons given that we are already at the armory.
CHRISTIANNIA
Right, you keep thinking about those beans, which are
really important, so important that they will probably
occur several more times throughout this story marking
pivotal moments in our struggle to overcome the
oppressing dinosaur regime. Meanwhile, I’ll get us some
weapons.
CHRISTIANNIA runs up to the door, and tries to open it by pulling it. Further
inspection reveals that the handle is labeled “Push,” but this doesn’t work
either as the door is, in fact, locked.
CHRISTIANNIA
(frustrated)
How are we supposed to properly revolt now? We can’t
get into the weapons storage thing.
ELIJAH WOOD
I have an idea,,,
FLASHBACK: We see riots in the streets of some populated human city during Y2K.
This could potentially be very expensive to shoot, so just use footage from
recent events and add a subtitle saying “Actual footage from Y2K.”
INT: ARMORY. The camera is centered on the door. At about a 5 second interval,
there is a loud banging on the door, this goes on for about ten to forty
minutes. Finally, the door bursts into the room, with a pile of groaning
children pouring in behind it. CHRISTIANNIA and ELIJAH WOOD step over the
children the way somebody would step over spilled sauce on the floor.
CHRISTIANNIA
Wait, if this is the armory for a park where they just
have humans to control, wouldn’t they only have, like,
tranquilizers and weapons for humans?
The lights turn on, revealing crates laying around overflowing with ammunition,
and racks upon racks of AK-47s and RPGs. This is basically like a Taliban
hideout.
ELIJAH WOOD
Holy shit, it’s just like back when the Millennium Bug
sent the Middle East to invade New Amsterdam.
The camera pans to one of the kids, sitting next to one of the crates. He takes
apart one of the AKs, cleans every part, puts it back together, and begins
loading up clips. CHRISTIANNIA walks over and takes the gun from his hands.
CHRISTIANNIA
That’ll do kid. That’ll do.
The kid looks up to her, with a look of absolute disdain. He begins visibly
shaking, the camera beginning to zoom in closer to his face. The screen fades
slowly to scenes of riots, flying black flags, fires burning whole buildings. A
distressed noise fills the background. With a snapping noise, cut to next scene.
EXT: ABSOLUTE CHAOS. The children are taking down the dinosaurs with sheer
numbers, like that part in the Lord of the Rings, prompting the adults to wonder
why they even bothered having all these weapons.
The camera hovers above the crowds for a little while, letting the audience take
in the magnitude of the situation. Cut to some raptor guards emerging from an
office. This should have dramatic music in the background. Preferably this would
be directed like the newer Godzilla movie, showing very little of the raptors at
a time, just glimpses to keep the audience invested.
Jump to a group of children running by the raptors vision. One of the kids stops
and turns to look at the raptor. She pulls out a machete. Cut to a pile of
random bits of raptor laying on the ground in massive pools of blood, a couple
of children still chopping at the bits with machetes.
ELIJAH WOOD
Oh.
CHRISTIANNA
Umm,,, maybe, just maybe, we should try to, like, take
some of them alive?
KIDS (IN UNISON)
(sighing)
Aye, ma’am.
CHRISTIANNA pulls out some rope, as do some of the children, intending to tie
down some of the staff.
ELIJAH WOOD
(mumbling)
Fuck me, mommy.
INT. WAREHOUSE. Most of the staff is all tied up, lining the walls and creating
lines within the empty space in the middle, showing that the sheer amount of
disposable children easily overpowered a large quantity of powerful dinosaurs.
Several dinos lay dead towards the corner, with a single bullet wound in the
forehead and their hands tied behind their backs, implying these were executions.
One of the dinosaurs is duct taped to a table in a curtained off area in part of
the warehouse. He has a rag over his face, and there are two children standing
over him each holding a bucket of water.
KID #1
Who do you work for?
KID #1 begins dumping the water over the dinosaur’s face. There is really loud
gurgling as this is a dinosaur.
KID #2
Not gonna talk, eh?
There is a brief moment where the dinosaur is able to breath, with a bit of
struggle he mutters:
WATERBOARDED DINOSAUR
What the fuck, you not even lett--
He is cut off my KID #2 dumping more water in his face. There is a visible
excitement on the two children’s faces.
KID #1
TELL US WHO IS PULLING THE STRINGS!
KID #2
Or do you want more water?
WATERBOARDED DINOSAUR
Ok, ok, I’ll tell yo--
The dinosaur is once again cut off by having more water dumped onto his face.
Cut to a shot outside of the curtains, there is more gurgling and yelling
audible. The camera slowly zooms out, eventually settling with a single dinosaur
sitting next to a wall filling the right third of the screen.
SHAKING HEAD DINOSAUR
(shaking her head)
Just like Jeffrey used to do.
A tear rolls down her cheek as she remember her ex that was brutally slaughtered
by a conglomerate of rabid children.
ELIJAH WOOD is sitting on a foldable chair with a piece of paper taped to his
christmas sweater reading “Hostage Guard.” There is a pile of cans next to him,
he is eating a can of beans with a fork. When the can is empty, he tosses it
aside and looks around.
ELIJAH WOOD
(mouth full of beans)
Fuck, we need more beans.