This post was published as Scene 10 of Thelma & Louise 2: Army of Darkness
FADE IN: EXT. MORNING - The place where they were camping The trio is sleeping, CORN begins to bloat a bit as the sun rays from the fresh sunrise filter through the trees that are probably there. This awakens CORN. CORN Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Damn it. Fuck. Oh my god. What the fuck. Holy shit. God damn it. Fucking fuck damn fucking fuck it. Shit, why, WHY GOD WHY? IT FUCKING BURNS SO FUCKING BAD HOLY SHIT WHY IS THIS EVEN A THING!? HOW CAN IT BE A THING? WHY AM I EVEN ALIVE? THIS DOESNT HAPPEN WHEN IM IN THE FUCKING SUN ALL DAY WHY DOES IT HAPPEN NOW? WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING DIFFERENCE? GOD DAMN. HOLY SHIT. MY ENTIRE LIFE IS NOTHING BUT PAIN. WHY GOD, WHY GOD AM I EVEN ALIVE. Kiiiiiiiiiilllllllllll me I BEG OF YOU. JUST FUCKING DO IT SOMEONE FUCKING KILL ME I WANT TO FUCKING DIE ALREADY JUST END IT. I WAAAAAAAAANT TO FUCKKKKKKKING DIEEEEEEEEEE LOUISE What? THELMA I remember my name, it took me like five fucking minutes because i was doing other things but I totally remember my name now and I am part of the conversation, hello and good morning everyone it is morning LET US depart on our journey once agian. LOUISE Ok. CORN HOW CAN YOU ALL JUST LET ME LIVE THIS LIFE OF SUFFERING. IS THIS WHAT MARX MEANT WHEN HE SAID THAT “THE ONLY ANTIDOTE TO MENTAL SUFFERING IS PHYSICAL PAIN”? MY LIFE HAS SIMPLY BECOME A MEDLEY OF THE TWO, THE PAIN ONLY STOPS SO AS TO ALLOW ME TO SUFFER MENTALLY. They all begin to, like, roll up their sleeping bags? Y’know put away tents and shit, whatever. CORN I dont even have a fucking sleeping bag, whatever the fuck that is. You two and your crazy fucking consumerist products from some foreign land. I sleep like a prole, curled up in nothing but the sheath of greenery on my back. If my entire existence is to be pain the least you two can do is FUCKING OFFER ME A PIECE OF THE LUXURIOUS LIFESTYLE YOU SEEM TO BE LIVING REGARDLESS OF THE FACT THAT WE ARE LITERALLY SLEEPING IN A MOTHERFUCKING MUD PILE. But I suppose that would be too much to ask from you BOURGEOISIE PORKIES. LOUISE Yes, let us depart from this mud pile in which we are/were sleeping and standing so as to continue on our quest to do the thing. OLD MAN falls out of a tree in the background as they were all finally departing. OLD MAN HEy, HEY, FUCKING HEY YO! Im in this scene too! Fucking read thw whole fucken,,,, i mean look around, like, fuckeing god damn. We’s all comrades in arms now, we know each others darkest and/or deepest ;) ;) secrets, you cant just leave me out of frame in a fucking tree like that. It is clear at this point that irritability and tiredness are present. They proceed anyway because adventure waits for no one. CUT TO: EXT. MORNING - Some trail The group walks along a trail in some grass. CORN is obviously writhing in pain in the back. Being a bit over dramatic if you ask me. STUART BIG pops up out of nowhere directly behind CORN. CORN AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH OLD MAN CORN, we get it, aight, you dont need to constantly remind us every ten fucking seconds that you believe life is nothing more than agony. That’s all it is, CORN, that’s all it ever has been and all it ever will be. Humans have spent the whole of their existence struggling to grasp at any straw of meaning they could manage to find and all that’s come out of it is a whole lot of existential despair, there is no meaning, at least none beyond whatever meaning we may choose to assign to life. You’ve clearly resigned to an acceptance of a meaningless universe, these whole, like, what, two days that you’ve been alive you’ve done nothing but suffer, we get it. Perhaps, however, this is how all being feel when first thrown into the tumultuous world of today, they just lack the ability to properly communicate these feeling. We know that young humans scream a lot for attention once birthed and we imagine this is simply because of the exhaustive list of necessities they have yet to fill the need for, but at the same time, the light of the sun, the warmth of the air, these are the most extreme sensations that baby has ever felt, before it was all a calm and moist darkness contained in a mother’s womb, but out here, there’s no comfort, no safety, just when you think you’ve got it all figured out the depression hits and you slip up, you lose everything, there is no security in this life. The only notable exception there is to be born into a position of power, a spot where people will worship you and protect you with their lives. But none of us were born like that, we’re all the lower class, we’re all struggling day by day, we can’t afford to be bogged down by the question of whether or not any of this even means anything, we ought to do what we can just to be able to wake up the next day and maybe one day we will have the time, the stability, the comfort, just to be able to sit, relax, and ask the fundamental questions of the universe. What I’m trying to say is that it may be too early for not only you, but any of us to choose to end our own lives simply because we do not see the path to the decades in our future and we don’t even see the path beneath our feet as we question whether such a thing as a path can even exist in this cruel world. It’s your choice, CORN, do you want to give up before you’ve even had the chance to settle down long enough to comfortably ask the universe to present the arguments for its own existence or are you going to wait it out, see where life takes you, go with the flow? We zoom in on CORN’s face. CORN is torn, all the answers to all the agony may very well be somewhere in the future, this is a lot of food for thought, but also a massive misunderstanding as far as conversation flow, and the argument as to whether it is appropriate at this point to break from whatever conversation may be about to happen regarding the existence of everything just to say that some loud frat mouse popped out of the fucking grass. CORN Fuck, no, that’s not, fucking, jesus, you could have said that at literally any other time, I wasn’t, fuuuuuuuuck, god damn,,, just, fucking,,, ok, listen, that’s all good and well but i was just screaming cuz THIS FUCKEN DOOD just appeared out of FUCKING NOWHERE. STUART BIG Oh, hey, wassup? This maybe wasn’t,,, uhh, the best time to, like, just appear, i thought the hiking, yknow, cuz this trail just sort of loops around some hills for no reason, i just figured we were all just, like, going for the long haul kinda exercise shit, but i see y’all are on some fuckin existentialist journey, so imma leave you to it. LOUISE My name louise. Before anyone else has the chance to address him, we cut to a different angle of the group that wouldn’t include STUART BIG even if he was still there but it’s more of a passive aggressive way to just make a character stop being there w/o dealing w transition. THELMA O,,, k,,, he brings up a valid point, this trail really doesn’t go anywhere, like, we’ve just been going in circles n loops. We should just head in the direction of that village that has been visible over the horizon the whole time. Time lapse of them walking from where they were to the village that probably has a name but literally who cares. OLD MAN Now that we are in this village that was like 100 meters away from where we camped which if you think about it means we totally could have just came here and got a room or two and like not slept in a fucking tree and/or in a mud pile. CORN Ye, but we dont have the money to be spending on things like lodging when theres a perfectly good field in the middle of nowhere to sleep in ISNT THAT RIGHT? YOU FUCKING-- CORN is cut off when CORN walks into a bar sign that read “The Lowered Bar,” you can tell that by lowered they mean fucking LOWERED because CORN is really fucking short:
THELMA Hey, look, a bar, they sell alcohol, we should go inside because life is meaningless and i want to die. INT. EVENING - The Lowered Bar The place is fucking packed WALL TO WALL with pugs, tables are stacked on top of each other with pugs sitting at each of the tables on every level, just fucking packed, these fucking pyramids of pug filled tables, alcohol is flowing, pugs are cheering, theres a general uppity vibe. At the actual bar of the bar we see THE ANNIHILATOR who _allegedly_ killed OLD MAN’s family. THE ANNIHILATOR Oy, douchecunt, can i get, uhhhhhhhhhhhh, another one of em alcohols, a whole big fucken jug o the alcoholisms. THE ANNIHILATOR fucking whips a gold coin at the bar tender who is half asleep leaning against the wall. OLD MAN Look at that asshole, what an asshole. CORN Eh, whatever, pug culture is just different than our culture, probably. OLD MAN SO DIFFERENT THAT ITS TOTALLY AIGHT, LIT, 100 EMOJI FAM TO FUCKEN KILL MY WHOLE GOD DAMN FAMILY? CORN Idunno, maybe It is clear that OLD MAN is not happy and is likely to start some sort of beef with the pug.